Sibling rivalry gets a lot of press because it drives us parents nuts. Not only that, it makes us profoundly sad sometimes. A child that you adore causes physical or emotional pain to another child that you adore. No matter how a parent chooses to deal with it, it's a toughie, and since all parents of two or more children face this issue, we like to commiserate. What gets much less air time is the cooperation, love and support that siblings often show toward each other. It's a shame that we don't talk about this more often because these positive interactions are among the most gratifying moments in parenting. I suspect they are among the most important moments to the children as well. I'll share a recent example from our family.
Yesterday, Alexander wanted to build a skyscraper with Legos. He enlisted my help, and agreed (rather reluctantly, I must admit) to let Brianna help as well. Brianna sat down with us and announced: "Alexander has the best ideas for Legos. We should do his idea." This is a major compliment coming from Brianna, who has a healthy self image and generally likes to be in charge.
Alexander picked up on it right away. "I have great ideas for legos! I always have the best ideas."
Brianna wasn't done. "Alexander could build buildings when he grows up. I mean he could design them."
"You think he would make a good architect?" I asked.
"Yeah, he would be a great architect."
"I'm going to be an *architect* when I grow up!" Alexander declared. As we built the skyscraper, he continued to talk about being an architect. He's been talking about it ever since, as a matter of fact. (He's even got it all worked out how he can be an architect, a firefighter and a rock star at the same time -- he'll do one job each day on a rotating basis.)
When the skyscraper was done, Brianna declared it so wonderful that Alexander "should get a medal for it." She got one of her father's running medals and presented it to him. Then they posed for this shot:
It's a bit blurry, but you can see the love and pride in their faces.
The "bad" times are so easy to focus on, but most of those negative moments mean next to nothing to siblings and are quickly forgotten. My prayer for today is that I can forget them just as quickly and savor the positive moments longer.
New mercies I see
-
Have you heard the saying that the secret to a long, happy marriage is
falling in love over and over again, each time with the same person? I
believe this ...
7 years ago
2 comments:
What a lesson for all of us! Words of affirmation and encouragement and real praise (as opposed to mere flattery)are so powerful in building a positive sense of self. I hope I can remember to use them more with my own family and my students. Brianna's generosity in shining the sibling spotlight on her brother speaks for her own sense of security, I think. It is difficult for a child OR an adult to make someone else look good to the "boss" unless she is sure that they will not think less of her in the process. Loving parenting, Mom and Dad!!
You are so right about savoring this memory. Try to remember that it's written down here so you can drag yourself away from the next big sib rivalry battle to read it.
Love,
Mom
Alexander,
You'll be a great architect when you grow up! That sky scraper is GOOD!
Love,
Josh
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