In a meeting this Monday morning at Liam's school... much off-the-topic concern was expressed over his inability to make a speedy trip from the resource room back to the classroom and vice versa. Apparently it has taken him as much as six minutes to walk the short route.So often, when I read accounts of the myriad ways that schools force children into molds or squash their natural curiosity, or make something potentially fun into something dreary or stressful, I respond with a mental, "Thank goodness for homeschooling". But this time I can't say that. I'm just like those teachers -- always goading the children to "Stop dawdling", "Hurry up", "Come ON!" Sometimes my behavior is justified, but honestly, often it's not.
He stops to look in the recycling barrel! One teacher commented...
He reads the bulletin board!
I've caught him pulling papers out of the trash-can and reading them!
I am... perplexed... by all the clocking and accounting of movements that goes on. Liam has never been interested in the end result; it's the process that interests him--the journey, the diversions which tempt and might lead him to bigger, more interesting things.
And really, when you think about, who can blame him? The starting and ending points of a day (and of life) are far less interesting than what happens in-between. Between points A and B lie infinite possibilities--the unimagined, thousands and thousands of connecting and re-connecting lines between ideas and dreams and more ideas. The magic of it all is in what is spread out in-between, not so much in the predictability of what lies at either end.
Have I become unable to meander? Even when the kids and I take a walk at the nature center, after a certain amount of poking about, I'm encouraging them to move on, simply because *I* can't stand to stay in one spot any longer. I'm sure I used to be able to dawdle. I can remember doing it as a little girl. Actually, what I remember is daydreaming, but I must have been meandering at the same time.
Yet I haven't quite hit upon the real issue. I can still "wander". Housework is often interrupted by excursions into photo albums, books, papers, etc. (Of course, being the responsible grown up that I am, I chide myself for such lapses in efficiency.) Even on foot, I can meander -- enjoying the journey if I'm not in a hurry. So maybe my problem is with stopping while *someone else* smells the proverbial roses. Yeah, I think that's it. It's a kind of self- centeredness or control issue masquerading as normal parental behavior.
Bummer. This one's gonna take some work to overcome...
9 comments:
I have lost a bit of my ability to meander, too. I think I am still capable of it, but I am also impatient, especially on outings.
What's happened to us?! I do think you've hit on it--it's the meandering of our offspring that might drive us nuts!
Oh - the meandering! I frequently find myself herding the children - hurry up! keep up! move along! I catch myself and try to let go, let be...but it's difficult. Being a grown-up ruins all the fun of life, I'm convinced.
We can form a Meandering Support Group? =)
Is that Aliki the children's science book author? I love those books. What a cool blog to find and what a cool life to sneak a peak into.
For the record, I think you're being a little hard on yourself. It is a parent's duty to guide. How many times have you let the little ones dawdle as long as they wanted only to miss the best part of something because you've run out of time (or them out of patience)? It's happened to me all the time. Still does. It a parent's job to decide when time could be better spent elsewhere. It's not a failing.
Of course, reading the bulletin board on the way back to class is not really time that could be better spent by rushing back, IMO. But that's why we homeschool, right? But yeah, I bet my little ones will have a little more time to smell the roses too in the next few days because of this.
It's definitely a hazard of adulthood isn't it? One we learn from our own parents and teachers, I think, then "teach" our children.
Thanks for the encouragement Jenny. I really do think I rush them more than I should, though. I'll work on it. The Aliki I linked to is not the children's author, though she's a great writer and I highly recommend her blog. It's my internet friend Alissa, whom I've known since we were both pregnant with our oldest children. The first comment about this post is her. (She goes by Aliki on her blog, so I used that name.)
Stephanie
It's a contant mantra of mine: "We're in no hurry. Let them explore. We're in no hurry. Let them explore. We're in no hurry. Let them explore."
Except, yeah, when we are in a hurry. Which, sadly, is all too often. *sigh*
Jen, I'm stealing your mantra. Hope you don't mind. ;o)
Great post! My first reaction to Aliki's post was "I'm glad I homeschool". But alas, I am guilty of squelching meandering as well.
We used to do a lot more meandering when I had just two. Now that there are five, we are definitely more structured especially since I feel that Mr. Garvey and Mary will eventually need to "catch up" to their age as far as reading and writing go. Of course when I stop and think how much they have learned (in yet another language for them) in 18 months it astonishes me. There is definitely no brain-drain in their genes.
Baby #6 has "forced" on us some extra time for meandering. I must admit that in the last 5 or 6 weeks I just haven't felt like sticking to our schedule. (I feel lucky if I keep everyone fed and dressed right now.) The kids have busied themselves with their own play which has been both educational and certainly meandering. It makes me think I should get out of their way more often.
Here's to more meandering!
Kimberly
Stephanie, I've been away from your blog for too long, too! (Thanks for visiting.) I totally relate to this. I say, "Let's go, let's go, let's go" several times per day. I often wonder how to teach the value of promptness without instilling anxiety.
Thanks for the post.
Eileen
P.S. I forgot to say congratulations on the baby!!!
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