Celebrating With Our Neighbors

Alexander and Brianna follow along in the Haggadah. Note Xander's yarmulke!

The Passover Seder was wonderful. We were immediately "adopted" by a couple (our family doctor's parents, believe it or not) who invited us to sit with them and helped us navigate all the steps of the evening. Someone Firmin knows from work was also there. Thankfully, it was an abbreviated Seder -- it still lasted about 2 1/2 hours, which was about perfect for the kids. They really enjoyed it and came to appreciate the difference between reading about something and experiencing it. I could tell that this little community up the street from us is a warm and loving one, much like our own Quaker "family".

Alexander is still singing the snippets of songs that we can remember, such as Dayyenu, and cherishing the yo-yo he got as a "consolation prize" for not being the finder of the Afikomen. He also helped act out the 10 plagues, and raised his hand to answer some of the Rabbi's questions. (Book study does count for something!) Brianna took a more "observational" approach, as is her style, and she also had a good time. By the end of the Seder, all of the children -- including Brianna -- had escaped to the hallways to play hide-and-seek.

In addition to the blessings we were hopeful for, I found one unexpected bonus. I'm never much of a drinker, so abstaining from alcohol while I'm pregnant or nursing is a no-brainer. However, in the interest of balancing tradition with the needs of my nursling, I drank one of the traditional four glasses of wine, spread out over about 2 hours. (I kept cutting it with grape juice as the night went on, so that by the time I finally drained the glass it was mostly juice.) Last night, Ethan slept like a dream, waking only once, and even then, not enough to nurse. Maybe it was just a coincidence? ;o)

Other People's Holidays

Kids get you out of your comfort zone. Or they should, anyway. Here's how Alexander is expanding my world these days:

The other day, we read the Bible story of the Exodus, specifically the 10 Plagues that God visits on Egypt in an attempt to persuade Pharaoh to let the Israelites leave. These plagues are gruesome and the last one is violent, with the death of thousands of innocents, including animals and children. I was a little uncomfortable reading it. Alexander had no such trepidation. He thinks it's one of the best stories he's ever heard.

A river of blood? Eeeww! Cool!

Knee deep in frogs, first live ones, then dead ones? How excitingly awful!

A Pharaoh who keeps changing his mind about letting his slaves go? "Arrgh! God is going to have to send more plagues!" (Great minds think alike...)

The death of every first born human and animal in the whole country? A: "Wait -- what about Moses and his people?" Me: "If they put the lamb's blood over the door, everyone in that house lived." A: "Oh! Phew! THAT plague probably worked then!" (Did he read ahead?)

Our children's Bible contains some historic and cultural information in the sidebars. The sidebars on this page explained about how the holiday of Passover is a remembrance of this story of how the Israelites were delivered out of slavery in Egypt. Alexander was *all over* a holiday about this wonderful tale!

A: When is Passover?

Me: I'm not exactly sure, but it's some time around now. I can go look on the calender.

A: Can we do it? Can we do Passover? We could do it tomorrow -- it's OK if it's not the real day!

Me: Well... I've never participated in a Passover Seder. I don't really know how to do it. Let's get some books about it at the library tomorrow.

After checking the calender and seeing that Passover has not happened yet this year, and after reading some books about Passover, Alexander's interest in the holiday is still strong. We live just down the road from a Reform Jewish synagogue. I offered to call them and find out if they have any Passover services that are visitor-friendly. He loved the idea. I discovered that calling a house of worship that you are a total stranger to is a little scary! (What if I inadvertently offend or sound really ignorant, because I AM?) But hey, I'm a brave mama. I called today and left a message. ;o) If they call me back and welcome us, Alexander and I are going. I'll keep you posted...

Typical

Barak Obama has reached out and grabbed the "third rail" of U.S. race relations with both hands and he's feeling the heat. He gave a beautiful speech in response to questions about his association with Jeremiah Wright. Then he stepped in political doo-doo by saying that his Grandmother was a "typical white person" in that she has internalized some racial stereotypes. White folks are now all in a dither about this statement, wondering aloud whether Obama believes that all whites are racist.

Well. Here we go. I'll grant that Barak Obama made a political gaffe with the "typical" comment, but I think he spoke more truthfully than many of us white people (especially white liberals) would like to admit.

I invite my white friends and family to consider these examples from my own life and see if they don't resonate a little -- maybe a lot. Maybe you'll be uncomfortable, but until we start admitting that we are infected by assumptions of white superiority, we are not going be able to recognize where we need to get better. Being hampered by stereotypes is not the same as being racist, but it can lead us in that direction if we don't take a good hard look at it and question our assumptions and reactions.

Scenario #1
I am standing in line at a McDonald's one day several years ago -- before I had children of my own. A little black boy of about 4 or 5 is using his finger to pretend to shoot various targets in the restaurant while waiting in line ahead of me. I am disturbed by this behavior. After a few moments, I realize that my reaction is contingent on his race. If the boy were white or Asian, I wouldn't be disturbed at all. I might be disapproving (remember this is pre-kids!) but I wouldn't be *disturbed*. I would interpret his finger shooting in light of an internal image of rowdy little boy-hood and nothing more. I am ashamed of myself, but there it is -- a racist thought that I didn't even recognized as such at first. Without conscious thought, I am interpreting the boy's behavior in light of an internal image of black teen gangsters, even though there is nothing "ghetto" about the kid -- he's wearing normal clothes and accompanied by an average looking middle-class parent. I remember this incident sometimes when my own little 5 year old brown boy is playing rough and rowdy in public.

Scenario #2
When it becomes clear, near the end of college, that I might end up married to Firmin, I begin to dream of our future together. I have grown up happily in small-towns, so my default image of family life is small-town life. It hits me suddenly, like a ton of bricks: if I marry him, I will probably never live in a small town. If we do, questions of our safety and the psychological impact on our children will have to be considered. I can't believe I never really *got* this before -- if you are black in America, you cannot freely live wherever you want. All options are not open to you, at least not without considerable downsides. The implications go beyond the niceties of low population and big lawns. It affects your career opportunities, educational options for your children and more. My world both shrinks and expands in that instant. For the first time in my life, I am on the other side of race privilege. I hadn't even known I was on a side before this. Crazy, huh?

Scenario #3
I'm walking down the street and I see a fast food bag full of trash come flying out the window of a passing car. The people in the car are black. I take note of that.
Typical.


Thanks to Jennifer at Faking It for the inspiration to blog about this topic.

"Caution: Razor Sharp Stone! Not for Children!"

Here's what you can miss out on if you always play attention to those warning labels:

Saturday Pursuits

I always love Aliki's "Saturday Pursuits" posts. For once, my family did some interesting things on a Saturday!



The igloo was started last weekend, but finished today. (Just in time for pouring rain and 40 degree temps predicted for tomorrow! Ack! They covered it with a tarp to protect it from the rain. We'll see if it survives...)





The "fancy" planes are Alexander's. The colorful planes in a stack are Brianna's.

My Quaker Children Build a Snow Man

Scene: Children are playing outside, rolling large balls of snow. I step out to put a bag of trash in the barrel.

Alexander: Mommy, we need my sword! Can you get it for us?

Me: Which one, the wooden one or the plastic one? (Clearly, I am an enabler.)

A: The wooden one. You know what we're doing?

Me: Building a snow knight?

A: No, we're going to build a snow man, then throw the sword at him and stick him with it. He's like our target!

I don't think they even bothered to make a head. Maybe that's a good thing. Anyway, no sentimental photos of smiling children next to a carrot-nosed Frosty this year. The snow man's body lies hacked to death in our yard. Ah, childhood!

The Final Car Seat (I hope)!

Ethan weighed in at a whooping 19 lbs., 1 oz. at his 4 month check up a couple of weeks ago. The infant car seat we had borrowed from a friend had a weight limit of 20 lbs, so it was time for a new one. Needless to say, I wanted to get one that was BIG, with good safety and a high weight limit. The one we choose is rated for rear facing to 35 lbs and forward facing to 70 lbs. I had 60 lb, 48 inch Alexander sit in it and he fit just fine at the highest head rest level. Cool. (I wish I'd snapped *his* picture in it too!) The company manufactures race car seats, so I feel pretty good about the safety too. It cost an arm and a leg, but who can put a price on this precious face? :o)

My car seat fanatic friends (you know who you are!) will notice that the head rest and shoulder straps are not properly adjusted for Ethan in this picture. He was just trying it out. Rest assured that we adjusted it properly before we installed it. We're off to have the installation inspected later today, just to be sure.

Men of the Hour

I love that these two guys won last night. I'm leaning heavily toward Obama as my presidential choice, so of course I was happy to see him win big. It does my soul good to see a black man win so handily in a white state. I was happy to see Huckabee come out on top too, in spite of the fact that I disagree with him strongly on some issues. I like his populist streak and the fact that he's "sticking it" to the moneyed elite of his party. They both speak a message of hope and reconciliation and are kinda-sorta trying to run positive campaigns. (I'm also comforted by the fact that Huckabee would almost certainly be a very long-shot in the general election, especially against Obama.)

They have a long way to go, and many obstacles ahead, but the race is on and well run so far. Go get 'em boys!

Time for a picture!

Ethan is growing SO fast! Here he is, now 3 1/2 months:




**************

Today was supposed to be the day we jumped back into homeschooling full-bore. I even made schedules and lesson plans! But life intervened, as it tends to. Ethan was up for the first half of the night, crying (screaming) with teething pain. (It's really unfair for a little guy to start teething before he can reliably maneuver a teething soother into his mouth!) Brianna was up several times vomiting. It's now after noon and she's still in bed feeling yucky. :o( Of course the kids' travails meant that Firmin and I got precious little sleep. Alexander was the only one in any condition to do school this morning, but he was more than happy to ditch math for the prospect of exclusive use of his ill sister's new snow board! Oh well, we'll try again Wednesday or Thursday.

Happy New Year to everyone!

A Day Late and a Dollar -- O.K., Many Dollars --Short

My friend over at Memoirs of a Chaotic Mommy tagged me for this meme well before Christmas, but I just didn't have time to get to it before the big day. My computer time is getting more limited now that Ethan is more awake. (He's nearly 3 1/2 months old already!) Plus, our computer room is *freezing* in the winter, so I tend to check email and get out! Which is also why I'm not keeping up with everyone's blogs as much as I would like to. I'm keeping up with reading them better than with commenting on them. I'm more of a lurker these days.

Anyhoo, here are my post Christmas answers:

“Favourite Christmas memory…”

Making breakfast with my sisters every Christmas morning once we got old enough. Our dad insisted on having breakfast before we attacked the presents, and the wait was excruciating for us! So my middle sister and I eventually got the idea to make breakfast as soon as we woke up. We would make something to eat -- at first cereal and toast; later, more elaborate hot breakfasts. Then we would wake our parents (think 6 am) and announce that breakfast was served! When our younger sister got old enough we included her in the ritual. It was a tradition we continued until we left home, though we eventually stopped getting up *quite* so early!

“Favourite Christmas song/carol…”

I love so many of them. I would say "O Holy Night" and "Carol of the Bells"

"Favorite Christmas Movie"

How the Grinch Stole Christmas The older TV-special version, that is.

"Favorite Christmas Character"

Mary. Gotta give props to any woman who gives birth in a stable, lol!

“Favourite Christmas ornament/object…”

No specific one. I have several "special" ornaments that I like about equally.

“Plans for this Christmas…”

We opened presents at home on Christmas morning, then went to my parents house for the afternoon/evening, as usual, and had a wonderful time!

“Is Christmas your favourite holiday?”

Yes, absolutely.

Primary Decisions - Help wanted!

So. Michigan decided to move it's presidential primary election to January 15 in an attempt to be more relevant to the campaigns. (We used to be a Super Tuesday state.) In future elections, this may pay off, but for this year the effect has been to disenfranchise me as a would-be Democratic voter. Only 4 nominees will be on the Democratic ballot. The rest have boycotted in support of the DNC's policy against states "jumping ahead in line". The two candidates I would be most interested in voting for are among the boycotters. Hillary Clinton will win the non-contest, as the only "top tier" candidate on the ballot. I would likely vote unenthusiastically for Hillary over a Republican if she became the nominee, but I'm not psyched to vote for her in the primary.

Lucky for me, I have an alternative: voting in the Republican primary! We have an "open" primary, which means I do not have to register as a Republican to participate. I'm not looking to be a spoiler -- I want to vote for the Republican that would be the most acceptable president to me. If only I could decide whom that would be!

I thought it might be fun to get some help from my blog friends! If you are going to vote Republican, whom are you supporting and why? If you are voting Democratic, what factors would help you make a decision like this? Please keep it as positive as possible -- you can critique the candidates' platforms or records and talk about your own priorities, but please do not cast aspersions on a candidate's supporters or disrespect another person's priorities. (Disagreement does not equal disrespect, as I think we all know.)

I can't wait to hear what you all think. I'm finding it a fun exercise to choose from a group of candidates I normally wouldn't consider. Do I go straight pro/con on policy questions, or -- especially after the disaster that has been Bush II -- do I pay more attention to honesty and integrity?

Discuss...

Branding Babies

They sure start 'em early. I've been noticing how many of Ethan's clothes have labels on the outside, sticking out from the side of the garment. (They're *all* on the left side too, regardless of brand. How did that happen?) I didn't really think much of it at first, which only goes to show how insidious the culture of brand identity has become. Not until I realized that nearly every outfit he owns has an external tag, did I start to think about how weird that is.

It's a small thing, but what bothers me about these little tags is what they stand for: the fact that children are targeted by marketers from birth with the intention of establishing brand loyalties. What bothers me even more is that I can't easily opt myself or my kids out of this trend. I've tried to opt out to some extent, and it's hard work -- time consuming and often more expensive. Sigh.

The ubiquitousness of these external tags may be recent, but it's not really new. Some of the innovators of the idea were absolutely "up-front" about it. Funny how I never thought of this label as offensive:
I guess if it's around long enough, it becomes normal. Not sure how I feel about that.

Class Privileges

I saw this meme on Friendly Mama's blog, and thought it interesting. As Americans, we tend to compare ourselves to those in the social class above us, which can blind us to our own class privileges, especially if we grew up of modest means. This exercise provides a way to think about our privileges in a more objective way.

Friendly Mama found it on the Social Class and Quakers blog. Anyone who wishes to participate is encouraged to do so. Just leave a comment on the Social Class and Quakers blog and include an acknowledgment that the meme is based on an exercise developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University

I've bolded the statements that are true for me.

Father went to college
Father finished college
Mother went to college -- for 2 years after high school, then quit to marry my father
Mother finished college -- she went back to finish when I went to college and graduated a year ahead of me. :o)
Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor.
Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers -- same: small town middle class
Had more than 50 books in your childhood home
Had more than 500 books in your childhood home -- not when I was a small child, but by the time I was a teen, we may have had that many.
Were read children's books by a parent
Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18 -- always "parks and rec" group classes -- ballet, gymnastics, swimming, etc.
The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively
Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
Went to a private high school
Went to summer camp -- Our regional Bible camp as a kid, and cheerleading camp with my school squad in high school. Each was a one-week stay.
Had a private tutor before you turned 18
Family vacations involved staying at hotels -- We were campers, partly for reasons of cost, partly because my parents liked camping. I went through a stage where I craved hotel vacations, but now I'm a camper too. Like my parents, it's partly because we can't afford long-distance and/or hotel travel, but we also really like our camping vacations.
Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
There was original art in your house when you were a child -- when I was a small child, there was an oil painting of a Chinese junk at sunset that my father got from either Guam or Thailand when he was stationed there during the Vietnam war. My father was also a pretty good amateur photographer, so we had some of his artsy black and white photos in frames.
Had a phone in your room before you turned 18
You and your family lived in a single family house
Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
You had your own room as a child -- not until I was 11, but after that, yes.
Participated in an SAT/ACT prep course
Had your own TV in your room in High School
Owned a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College
Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16 -- only once, when I was a baby. We were living near whatever military base my dad was stationed at, and my mother flew (with me) back home to her family for a visit. My grandparents probably paid for the trip.
Went on a cruise with your family
Went on more than one cruise with your family
Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family -- I was unaware of the dollar amount, but I *was* aware that my parents couldn't always pay the bills when I was young. I knew that certain bills could be late without dire penalty because my parents had to choose which ones to pay late sometimes. As far as I know, we never suffered a shut off of utilities or phone or anything, so they were able to scrape by.

For someone who grew up without a lot of money by US standards, I'm struck by how many of these privileges I had. Some of them are by-products of growing up near a college town with parents who were relatively well educated. Museums at the University were free, for example. My parents valued educational experiences and stretched their budget to provide what they could for us. My own kids are in a similar situation. Since we have chosen to be a one-income family (even though Firmin's income isn't extraordinary), we often find ourselves in social demographic groups that usually correlate with higher incomes. We are blessed to live the life we live and have the opportunities that we have.

I appreciate that this meme came from a Quaker blog, though it's clearly appropriate for anyone. Since becoming a Friend, I've found it easier to be content with my blessings as they are. I'm not sure if that is due to growing spiritual maturity, or simply because I'm in frequent contact with people who don't value material things very much. (Indeed, doing with less is looked upon with respect.) Whatever the reason, I'm also aware that it's not too hard to be content when one's basic needs are met. May I remain aware of all the ways in which my path was smoothed by fortunate life circumstances, and may I be sensitive (yet not patronizing) to those who make do with far less.

Super Dad

In 1994, I got a kitten. Before I brought it home, Firmin made it clear to me that the kitten would be *my* cat, and he would have nothing to do with it. Yeah, well... Within 30 minutes of the kitten’s arrival, he was in love. He was tender and playful with her and concerned for her well-being. I knew then, six years prior to the birth of our first child, that he was going to be a great dad.

Thirteen years and three children later, here's the latest evidence that I was right:

When I arrived home from running errands this afternoon, I found Firmin and the two older kids "tailgating" in our back yard. Alexander is on his lap; Brianna's reading a book by the fire. That's the college football game on the TV. How awesome is that?

Oh, and the half-circle fence around the fire pit area is one that he built this summer from discarded pallets.

While I'm bragging on him, did I mention that he also ran his first marathon a couple of weeks ago? Yup, he did.



*******
A bit of blog business: I want to say thank you to everyone for your comments. I love reading them, and I apologize for not responding to them directly very often lately. It's all Ethan's fault. ;o) Please know that I'm reading them and I hope to be able to be more responsive soon.

Meandering, part 2

Inspired by my previous post and, in turn, Aliki's post, my youngest sister has a lovely blog entry about rediscovering the ability to meander as an adult. It's worth a look -- check it out here.

Meandering

This recent post on Aliki's blog got me thinking. I'm going to quote her a bit for those who don't have time to check out the original post:

In a meeting this Monday morning at Liam's school... much off-the-topic concern was expressed over his inability to make a speedy trip from the resource room back to the classroom and vice versa. Apparently it has taken him as much as six minutes to walk the short route.

He stops to look in the recycling barrel! One teacher commented...

He reads the bulletin board!

I've caught him pulling papers out of the trash-can and reading them!

I am... perplexed... by all the clocking and accounting of movements that goes on. Liam has never been interested in the end result; it's the process that interests him--the journey, the diversions which tempt and might lead him to bigger, more interesting things.

And really, when you think about, who can blame him? The starting and ending points of a day (and of life) are far less interesting than what happens in-between. Between points A and B lie infinite possibilities--the unimagined, thousands and thousands of connecting and re-connecting lines between ideas and dreams and more ideas. The magic of it all is in what is spread out in-between, not so much in the predictability of what lies at either end.

So often, when I read accounts of the myriad ways that schools force children into molds or squash their natural curiosity, or make something potentially fun into something dreary or stressful, I respond with a mental, "Thank goodness for homeschooling". But this time I can't say that. I'm just like those teachers -- always goading the children to "Stop dawdling", "Hurry up", "Come ON!" Sometimes my behavior is justified, but honestly, often it's not.

Have I become unable to meander? Even when the kids and I take a walk at the nature center, after a certain amount of poking about, I'm encouraging them to move on, simply because *I* can't stand to stay in one spot any longer. I'm sure I used to be able to dawdle. I can remember doing it as a little girl. Actually, what I remember is daydreaming, but I must have been meandering at the same time.

Yet I haven't quite hit upon the real issue. I can still "wander". Housework is often interrupted by excursions into photo albums, books, papers, etc. (Of course, being the responsible grown up that I am, I chide myself for such lapses in efficiency.) Even on foot, I can meander -- enjoying the journey if I'm not in a hurry. So maybe my problem is with stopping while *someone else* smells the proverbial roses. Yeah, I think that's it. It's a kind of self- centeredness or control issue masquerading as normal parental behavior.

Bummer. This one's gonna take some work to overcome...

Thursday Thoughts

A baby is a gift to more than just his family.

The other day I went to the annual apple give-away sponsored by our city’s Garden Project. Participants can fill 2 paper grocery bags with free apples – a total of 35 – 40 lbs of apples! Problem was, I forgot to bring my baby sling for Ethan and he was NOT going to be content in his car seat while I filled my bags. I handed him to Brianna, but her seven-year-old arms aren’t strong enough to carry him for longer than a few minutes. When she tired, I held him while she began to pack apples... slowly! I resigned myself to the fact that this was going to take much longer than I had planned on.

My rescuer was a woman in late middle age. She turned to me with a hopeful expression and said, “I could hold him.” Hold him she did, while Brianna and I packed our two bags and I carried them to the car. “You forget how tiny they are!” she cooed. He fussed only a tiny bit to the woman’s delight and my relief. Every time I looked over to check on them, the woman looked radiant. When she handed him back to me, we thanked each other. Somehow I think I did her a bigger favor than she did me.

Alexander is diligently saving polar bears. Whenever someone leaves a light on, he admonishes us to turn it off “to save polar bears.” Somewhere, he must have heard of the connection between energy use, global warming and the melting Artic ice. It’s not only cute, it’s effective! :o)

Alexander is also learning to read. He got a unused phonics workbook handed down to him by his cousin. I thought we probably wouldn’t use it either, since Xander has thus far eschewed formal study of reading. (While at the same time wishing desperately that he *could* read!) Nevertheless, I showed it to him and left it out for him to look at if he wished to. Later, he asked me to help him with it and that was it – he was off! He did about 100 pages over two days. I went to the library and got him some very easy readers, including the wonderful Otto books by David Milgrim. He is *so* proud of himself! It’s wonderful to see.

To help him along, we've borrowed the DVD box set of The Electric Company episodes from our library. The Electric Company has to be the best reading program ever aired on TV. It's entertaining for adults too -- with a cast that includes Bill Cosby, Rita Moreno, and Morgan Freeman, how can you go wrong?

Here are a couple of more recent shots of Ethan. He’s growing and changing before our eyes! He’s going bald right now. It’s not evident yet in these photos, which were taken a couple of weeks ago, but over the past week, he’s lost most of the hair on the top of his head in a male-pattern baldness progression. I wonder if it’s a precursor to later mid-life baldness? I don’t recall it happening to Alexander. There is some male-pattern baldness in my family, so it’s possible. Luckily, baldness in babies is both cute and temporary!

The Birth Story

I woke in the early morning on Friday feeling kind of nauseous and not-so-good all the way around. Slept a little more, then once I was up for the day, felt O.K. I kept having contractions on and off throughout the day, and I definitely felt like something was going to happen soon -- either that night or the next day. I began to get excited! (Both Brianna and Alexander were induced, so it was fun experiencing the on-set of labor naturally.)

At about 3 pm I lost my mucus plug -- something I've never experienced so dramatically before! The contractions started to get more frequent and noticeable after that, so I started calling people -- Firmin, my mom, the midwife -- to let them know that things were moving along. By 7 PM, we were on our way to the birth center. Contractions slowed down on the way there, which is normal. I got settled in at the BC, listened to one of my hypnosis tapes, then walked around to get things moving again. That did the trick and my labor started picking up nicely.


Brianna and Alexander and my parents came to the birth center with us and stayed the entire time. They watched movies and camped out in sleeping bags in the community room.

I was able to handle the intensifying contractions pretty well with my hypnosis until what was likely the "transition" phase. In contrast to Alexander's birth, where I had my water broken at 5 cm, then dilated to 10 in about 20 minutes, these contractions were spaced a little farther apart. I had a bit of a break between each one in which I was able to relax, but I was starting to have a hard time with the contractions themselves. I was in the birthing tub at this point which felt good, but I think it might have made it harder for me to get comfortable. I remember saying at one point, "This is where I ask for the epidural!" ;o) I was still hours away from giving birth as it turned out. I don't think I would have accomplished a natural childbirth in the hospital this time around with the promise of pain relief just a request away since it took so long. Although it's possible that they would have made me wait since I don't think I said that until I was almost fully dilated. I felt like pushing soon after. (They don't do internal checks for dilation at the birth center unless the mom requests it or there's a medical reason, so I don't know what my dilation was at any given point.)

Apparently, pushing out babies is something I *can* do, but not well. I ultimately needed much more coaching in that phase than they generally give. Turns out I was pushing rather "ineffectually" for quite a while before midwife S. and I decided that she'd better take a stronger hand. I remember that the same thing happened with Alexander, though I got more immediate coaching and the contractions were much closer together, so I only had to push for about a half-hour. Ethan took his sweet time. My contractions were not so closely spaced. I had time to rest between pushes, but it wasn't much relief. I found it SO hard to relax between them.

Once she took more charge, S. had me get out of the water and onto the bed on my side. Relaxing was easier there and she was able to see that I was pulling back in after each push, which was hampering my progress. She was also able to coach me more on each push to make it more effective. More time passed, and more position changes dictated by S. Finally, after nearly 2 1/2 hours of pushing, I ended up on the birthing stool and finally (finally!) felt that ring of fire about 15 minutes later. I hated the crowning with Alexander, but this time it was *so* welcome because it meant it really was OVER! At 3:12 AM, I had my baby and all was well.
I really wish it had been easier and/or shorter, but I can't say I'm disappointed. I'm pretty proud of myself actually. I never would have thought I could endure so much pain for so long and still keep working. I admit to getting pretty discouraged during the long final phase, but I did what I had to do. The fact that billions of women have done it for millenia before me (and often in worse and more dangerous circumstances) diminishes my feelings not one bit. On the contrary, it makes me part of the tribe.

Each child's birth now takes it's place in my story:

Brianna's over-medicated, interventionist birth was nevertheless my unique first -- my induction into motherhood and all it's wonders. Although I grieved the negative aspects of that birth process, the experience changed some of my assumptions about modern "progress" and set me on a journey that has led in surprising and satisfying directions.

Alexander's birth retains it's place as my "best" birth. Although I would rather have not been in the hospital, it was quick, intense, and drug-free (beyond the cervical gel to get labor going.) After Alexander's birth, I felt euphoric -- a high like I've never felt before or since. I also felt physically great. I remember getting up from the bed I delivered in and going to the bathroom almost right away with no trouble.

Ethan's birth was a test of my strength. I was too worn out to feel the same level of euphoria as I did after Alexander's birth, and my physical recovery hasn't been as quick. (Though it's been quicker and easier than after Brianna's birth.) Nevertheless, taken as a whole, I've really enjoyed the experience of carrying and birthing him in the context of our larger family. It was great to have the other kids nearby. I'm grateful they were sleeping through my loudest cries of agony, but it was nice to be able to wake Brianna and have her come in right after he was born. (We let Alexander sleep until morning for fear he wouldn't go *back* to sleep.) Ethan's birth has given me a greater appreciation for what women have accomplished and endured and even suffered in childbirth throughout history. It's a perspective I will cherish. He's also given me new appreciation for my own powers of endurance.

Welcome to the world, little boy. Thanks for completing my birth education; I can't wait to see what else you have to teach me and all of us.

Here are a few more pictures from his first day:

He's Here!

Ethan Michael was born at 3:12 this morning (September 15) , weighed 8 lbs. 8 oz., and is 20 1/2 inches long, including his cone head! ;o)

Pictures soon to come, but I wanted to get the news out!

Tuesday Takes

It has come to my attention that some readers are checking this blog regularly for baby news. No news to share yet! I'll try to get news up about the baby as soon as it happens. (Could be any day now, or could be a couple weeks from now. Patience is a virtue, right? Ha!)

I've been feeling "dry" in the blog-post ideas department lately. I'm getting pretty baby-focused now -- nesting and all that, which is pretty boring to blog about. I do have a few random thoughts, none of which rise to the level of a complete post, so I'll share some of those:



Senator John McCain was the guest in the first hour of The Diane Rhem Show today. I wouldn't vote for him because we differ too greatly on the issues, but boy is he an easy man to respect and even admire. I really enjoyed listening to him. Would that more political figures were as concerned with integrity and honesty as he seems to be. He unabashedly defends positions that he believes in -- even unpopular ones -- with rationality and civility. He also candidly admits to times when he was guilty of doing wrong, not just having "poor judgment" or some other vague phrase intended to downplay his culpability. (I thought for a moment he was actually going to use the word "sin".)

The big question is, would the American people actually elect someone with these qualities (not necessarily McCain himself), or do we insist on something more deliberately constructed for the national political scene? Is the *appearance* of folksy integrity easier to accept than the sometimes uncomfortable real thing? Real integrity generally involves humility and even changing one's position from time to time based on new information or insight. Qualities that one's opponents are quick to spin into "softness" and "flip-flopping". Can a "good man" or a "good woman" win these days? I hope so, but I wonder...

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Also heard on Diane Rhem today was Ira Flatow, science reporter. The tidbit that caught my ear was about Bernoulli's Principle. Bernoullis' Principle describes the pressure of flowing liquids, and is very commonly cited to explain how air-flow and pressure around an airplane's wings allows the plane to stay aloft. I've read about this several times from different sources. Well -- turns out that Bernoulli's Principle has very little to do with planes staying aloft! Good thing for a homeschooling mom to know, since that myth is *everywhere* in science materials for kids! Here's a better explanation of the physics of flight. Watch out for the Bernoulli flight myth -- your kids may very well still encounter it at school, and certainly in library books and on the internet.

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Brianna has begun a geometry segment in math. She's getting to use a drawing board with a T-square and triangles. She asked to do math today at 9 am -- before breakfast! Guess she likes geometry! :o)

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The new First Day School (Sunday School) year has begun at our Quaker Meeting. We are trying some different formats this year in preparation for being in a new building without defined classrooms some time next year. We kicked off with a whole-group session we called "The God panel", in which 3 adults were invited to share their experiences and beliefs about God with the children (who ranged in age from 3 to 12). I was a little nervous about how it would go, but it turned out to be a beautiful experience. The kids remained engaged for the whole hour, even when the adults were trying to convey pretty complex ideas. I was struck by how much we grown-ups underestimate the spiritual depth of our youngest Friends.