Sobering Thoughts

The other day, I was waiting at a traffic light behind a car with an "Obama '08" bumper sticker. The '08 reminded me that the first presidential year that I was eligible to vote in (and did vote in) also ended in an eight: 1988. I was 18.

My next thought wiped the smile off my face. That was 20 years ago. I have been able to vote for 20 years! Gulp!

It gets worse. I next realized that while I'll be 20 years away from 18 this summer, Brianna will be only 10 years away from it. Whoa!

Sobering yes, though not depressing. I don't feel old yet. But still...

His "Tree Spot"

Wordless Wednesday

Observations From My First 8 Years of Motherhood

1) Babies need to learn that they are separate beings from their mothers. Mothers need to learn this too. It just takes us longer.

2) The little things that make motherhood seem so "uncool" to some teens and young adults -- being thrilled over a dandelion bouquet, cherishing a cheap piece of jewelry that your child picked out especially for you, decorating the Christmas tree with child-made ornaments from years past -- turn out to be deep reservoirs of joy.

3) Regular bath towels dry a baby just as well as expensive hooded baby towels.

4) Pre-washing all your first baby's clothes in Dreft is a ritual that evokes the dream of the soft, sweet, cuddly baby. It makes you feel warm, motherly, and special. It's a wonderful thing. Do it, and don't feel ashamed.

5) Pre-washing subsequent baby's clothes, many of which are hand-me-downs from your fist baby, is a ritual that evokes powerful feelings from memory and experience. It's a wonderful thing. You can skip the Dreft.

6) Every child is different. So obvious, yet so interesting to observe. What's really amazing is that many differences are apparent from birth.

7) Mom's mood sets the tone for the day, so the kids tend to be cranky on exactly the days we can least handle it well. Sad but true.

8) First babies start eating "finger foods" when they are developmentally ready and after each main ingredient in the food (oats, wheat, etc.) has first been introduced separately without ill effect.

9) Subsequent babies start eating "finger foods" as soon as they learn to crawl under the table. Luckily, this bothers you a whole lot less than it would have with the first child.

10) Unless you suspect a problem, don't watch the clock when you are nursing your new baby. (Took me until the 3rd kid to stop caring about the darn clock, but it was SO much less stressful!)

11) Childhood is short from a parent's point of view. Don't waste time hurrying.

12) Never expect to finish much of anything in one sitting. (Ethan's up from his nap now -- gotta wrap this up!)

Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms out there, especially my own! (Love you Mom!)

Also special wishes to those of you who have been with my on this journey from the beginning. Look how far we've come!

Taking Attendance

There has been some new legislation proposed in Michigan for homeschoolers. At the moment, Michigan is very homeschool-friendly, and not surprisingly, most of us homeschoolers would just as soon see nothing change. I won't get into the details of the bill that has been introduced; that's not even what I want to talk about. Rather I want to draw attention to Representative Mark Medows (D) brain-wave, revealed in his most recent constituent newsletter: Require homeschoolers to report attendance. Anyone who thinks this is a helpful idea doesn't understand how homeschooling works, or more importantly, WHY homeschooling works.

My children are "in attendance" in a learning environment every single day, even when we don't crack a single "school" book. (We never go a day without cracking some kind of book!) Sometimes their learning is facilitated by sitting down with our school materials. A good deal of math skill has been acquired in this way, for example. However, learning of a high order happens in many non-traditional ways as well. My kids know quite a lot about space, for example, even though we have never formally studied astronomy. Trips to the university planetarium and observatory, back-yard star gazing, and conversation with me and their dad has resulted in a wealth of knowledge that I dare say transcends what most 5 and 7 year olds know about the subject. They can identify numerous local birds, both by sight and call. They know about the habitats, migration, and feeding preferences of a number of local species. We've never studied ornithology, we just pay attention to the birds and to people who know interesting things about them. When the children see an unfamiliar one, they run for the guide book. I don't even have to suggest it! These are just two examples that come to mind. There are many more.

Think about something you have learned informally, yet know or do quite well. Maybe you learned to cook by watching your mother, or learned a great deal about your family's heritage through your own independent reading and research, or learned to identify the good and bad bugs and weeds in your garden, or taught yourself how to invest in the stock market. Was your learning process any less legitimate because it didn't come from a "class" or because no one sat you down and "taught" you? Of course not. On the contrary, the things you learned informally are probably some of the things you best remember and most enjoy knowing or doing.

There is certainly a place for formal teaching, especially of skills like math, reading, writing and reasoning -- the building blocks for acquiring and sharing knowledge. Both brick-and-mortar schools and home-schools can do a good job of imparting these skills. All kids experience informal learning as well, perhaps during breaks in the school day, and certainly at home. But kids these days are losing more and more of that unstructured, delight-led time. One of the strengths of homeschooling is that it allows extra time for the important casual, organic learning that comes from interest-based inquiry and free, child-directed play. It allows for an abundant mix of time alone, time with siblings, time with parents, and time with friends. My children have benefited enormously from this "extra" time, expanding their knowledge base and growing in intangible, un-testable ways. Ask a college admissions rep why they like homeschooled students, and you'll see that it's not because their heads are full of more stuff they learned while hitting the books:

“Homeschooled students, by and large, are a liberal arts college’s dream,” says Sabena Moretz-Van Namen, associate director of admission at the University of Richmond. “We want more students who think outside the box and color outside the lines. Homeschoolers often have developed into self-directed learners. Traditional high school students sometimes lack that trait.” Read the full article.

If I ever have to report to the state, I'd better print up some of these, because I don't know how I could report them "absent" on any given day.

Celebrating With Our Neighbors

Alexander and Brianna follow along in the Haggadah. Note Xander's yarmulke!

The Passover Seder was wonderful. We were immediately "adopted" by a couple (our family doctor's parents, believe it or not) who invited us to sit with them and helped us navigate all the steps of the evening. Someone Firmin knows from work was also there. Thankfully, it was an abbreviated Seder -- it still lasted about 2 1/2 hours, which was about perfect for the kids. They really enjoyed it and came to appreciate the difference between reading about something and experiencing it. I could tell that this little community up the street from us is a warm and loving one, much like our own Quaker "family".

Alexander is still singing the snippets of songs that we can remember, such as Dayyenu, and cherishing the yo-yo he got as a "consolation prize" for not being the finder of the Afikomen. He also helped act out the 10 plagues, and raised his hand to answer some of the Rabbi's questions. (Book study does count for something!) Brianna took a more "observational" approach, as is her style, and she also had a good time. By the end of the Seder, all of the children -- including Brianna -- had escaped to the hallways to play hide-and-seek.

In addition to the blessings we were hopeful for, I found one unexpected bonus. I'm never much of a drinker, so abstaining from alcohol while I'm pregnant or nursing is a no-brainer. However, in the interest of balancing tradition with the needs of my nursling, I drank one of the traditional four glasses of wine, spread out over about 2 hours. (I kept cutting it with grape juice as the night went on, so that by the time I finally drained the glass it was mostly juice.) Last night, Ethan slept like a dream, waking only once, and even then, not enough to nurse. Maybe it was just a coincidence? ;o)

Other People's Holidays

Kids get you out of your comfort zone. Or they should, anyway. Here's how Alexander is expanding my world these days:

The other day, we read the Bible story of the Exodus, specifically the 10 Plagues that God visits on Egypt in an attempt to persuade Pharaoh to let the Israelites leave. These plagues are gruesome and the last one is violent, with the death of thousands of innocents, including animals and children. I was a little uncomfortable reading it. Alexander had no such trepidation. He thinks it's one of the best stories he's ever heard.

A river of blood? Eeeww! Cool!

Knee deep in frogs, first live ones, then dead ones? How excitingly awful!

A Pharaoh who keeps changing his mind about letting his slaves go? "Arrgh! God is going to have to send more plagues!" (Great minds think alike...)

The death of every first born human and animal in the whole country? A: "Wait -- what about Moses and his people?" Me: "If they put the lamb's blood over the door, everyone in that house lived." A: "Oh! Phew! THAT plague probably worked then!" (Did he read ahead?)

Our children's Bible contains some historic and cultural information in the sidebars. The sidebars on this page explained about how the holiday of Passover is a remembrance of this story of how the Israelites were delivered out of slavery in Egypt. Alexander was *all over* a holiday about this wonderful tale!

A: When is Passover?

Me: I'm not exactly sure, but it's some time around now. I can go look on the calender.

A: Can we do it? Can we do Passover? We could do it tomorrow -- it's OK if it's not the real day!

Me: Well... I've never participated in a Passover Seder. I don't really know how to do it. Let's get some books about it at the library tomorrow.

After checking the calender and seeing that Passover has not happened yet this year, and after reading some books about Passover, Alexander's interest in the holiday is still strong. We live just down the road from a Reform Jewish synagogue. I offered to call them and find out if they have any Passover services that are visitor-friendly. He loved the idea. I discovered that calling a house of worship that you are a total stranger to is a little scary! (What if I inadvertently offend or sound really ignorant, because I AM?) But hey, I'm a brave mama. I called today and left a message. ;o) If they call me back and welcome us, Alexander and I are going. I'll keep you posted...

Typical

Barak Obama has reached out and grabbed the "third rail" of U.S. race relations with both hands and he's feeling the heat. He gave a beautiful speech in response to questions about his association with Jeremiah Wright. Then he stepped in political doo-doo by saying that his Grandmother was a "typical white person" in that she has internalized some racial stereotypes. White folks are now all in a dither about this statement, wondering aloud whether Obama believes that all whites are racist.

Well. Here we go. I'll grant that Barak Obama made a political gaffe with the "typical" comment, but I think he spoke more truthfully than many of us white people (especially white liberals) would like to admit.

I invite my white friends and family to consider these examples from my own life and see if they don't resonate a little -- maybe a lot. Maybe you'll be uncomfortable, but until we start admitting that we are infected by assumptions of white superiority, we are not going be able to recognize where we need to get better. Being hampered by stereotypes is not the same as being racist, but it can lead us in that direction if we don't take a good hard look at it and question our assumptions and reactions.

Scenario #1
I am standing in line at a McDonald's one day several years ago -- before I had children of my own. A little black boy of about 4 or 5 is using his finger to pretend to shoot various targets in the restaurant while waiting in line ahead of me. I am disturbed by this behavior. After a few moments, I realize that my reaction is contingent on his race. If the boy were white or Asian, I wouldn't be disturbed at all. I might be disapproving (remember this is pre-kids!) but I wouldn't be *disturbed*. I would interpret his finger shooting in light of an internal image of rowdy little boy-hood and nothing more. I am ashamed of myself, but there it is -- a racist thought that I didn't even recognized as such at first. Without conscious thought, I am interpreting the boy's behavior in light of an internal image of black teen gangsters, even though there is nothing "ghetto" about the kid -- he's wearing normal clothes and accompanied by an average looking middle-class parent. I remember this incident sometimes when my own little 5 year old brown boy is playing rough and rowdy in public.

Scenario #2
When it becomes clear, near the end of college, that I might end up married to Firmin, I begin to dream of our future together. I have grown up happily in small-towns, so my default image of family life is small-town life. It hits me suddenly, like a ton of bricks: if I marry him, I will probably never live in a small town. If we do, questions of our safety and the psychological impact on our children will have to be considered. I can't believe I never really *got* this before -- if you are black in America, you cannot freely live wherever you want. All options are not open to you, at least not without considerable downsides. The implications go beyond the niceties of low population and big lawns. It affects your career opportunities, educational options for your children and more. My world both shrinks and expands in that instant. For the first time in my life, I am on the other side of race privilege. I hadn't even known I was on a side before this. Crazy, huh?

Scenario #3
I'm walking down the street and I see a fast food bag full of trash come flying out the window of a passing car. The people in the car are black. I take note of that.
Typical.


Thanks to Jennifer at Faking It for the inspiration to blog about this topic.

"Caution: Razor Sharp Stone! Not for Children!"

Here's what you can miss out on if you always play attention to those warning labels:

Saturday Pursuits

I always love Aliki's "Saturday Pursuits" posts. For once, my family did some interesting things on a Saturday!



The igloo was started last weekend, but finished today. (Just in time for pouring rain and 40 degree temps predicted for tomorrow! Ack! They covered it with a tarp to protect it from the rain. We'll see if it survives...)





The "fancy" planes are Alexander's. The colorful planes in a stack are Brianna's.

My Quaker Children Build a Snow Man

Scene: Children are playing outside, rolling large balls of snow. I step out to put a bag of trash in the barrel.

Alexander: Mommy, we need my sword! Can you get it for us?

Me: Which one, the wooden one or the plastic one? (Clearly, I am an enabler.)

A: The wooden one. You know what we're doing?

Me: Building a snow knight?

A: No, we're going to build a snow man, then throw the sword at him and stick him with it. He's like our target!

I don't think they even bothered to make a head. Maybe that's a good thing. Anyway, no sentimental photos of smiling children next to a carrot-nosed Frosty this year. The snow man's body lies hacked to death in our yard. Ah, childhood!

The Final Car Seat (I hope)!

Ethan weighed in at a whooping 19 lbs., 1 oz. at his 4 month check up a couple of weeks ago. The infant car seat we had borrowed from a friend had a weight limit of 20 lbs, so it was time for a new one. Needless to say, I wanted to get one that was BIG, with good safety and a high weight limit. The one we choose is rated for rear facing to 35 lbs and forward facing to 70 lbs. I had 60 lb, 48 inch Alexander sit in it and he fit just fine at the highest head rest level. Cool. (I wish I'd snapped *his* picture in it too!) The company manufactures race car seats, so I feel pretty good about the safety too. It cost an arm and a leg, but who can put a price on this precious face? :o)

My car seat fanatic friends (you know who you are!) will notice that the head rest and shoulder straps are not properly adjusted for Ethan in this picture. He was just trying it out. Rest assured that we adjusted it properly before we installed it. We're off to have the installation inspected later today, just to be sure.

Men of the Hour

I love that these two guys won last night. I'm leaning heavily toward Obama as my presidential choice, so of course I was happy to see him win big. It does my soul good to see a black man win so handily in a white state. I was happy to see Huckabee come out on top too, in spite of the fact that I disagree with him strongly on some issues. I like his populist streak and the fact that he's "sticking it" to the moneyed elite of his party. They both speak a message of hope and reconciliation and are kinda-sorta trying to run positive campaigns. (I'm also comforted by the fact that Huckabee would almost certainly be a very long-shot in the general election, especially against Obama.)

They have a long way to go, and many obstacles ahead, but the race is on and well run so far. Go get 'em boys!

Time for a picture!

Ethan is growing SO fast! Here he is, now 3 1/2 months:




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Today was supposed to be the day we jumped back into homeschooling full-bore. I even made schedules and lesson plans! But life intervened, as it tends to. Ethan was up for the first half of the night, crying (screaming) with teething pain. (It's really unfair for a little guy to start teething before he can reliably maneuver a teething soother into his mouth!) Brianna was up several times vomiting. It's now after noon and she's still in bed feeling yucky. :o( Of course the kids' travails meant that Firmin and I got precious little sleep. Alexander was the only one in any condition to do school this morning, but he was more than happy to ditch math for the prospect of exclusive use of his ill sister's new snow board! Oh well, we'll try again Wednesday or Thursday.

Happy New Year to everyone!

A Day Late and a Dollar -- O.K., Many Dollars --Short

My friend over at Memoirs of a Chaotic Mommy tagged me for this meme well before Christmas, but I just didn't have time to get to it before the big day. My computer time is getting more limited now that Ethan is more awake. (He's nearly 3 1/2 months old already!) Plus, our computer room is *freezing* in the winter, so I tend to check email and get out! Which is also why I'm not keeping up with everyone's blogs as much as I would like to. I'm keeping up with reading them better than with commenting on them. I'm more of a lurker these days.

Anyhoo, here are my post Christmas answers:

“Favourite Christmas memory…”

Making breakfast with my sisters every Christmas morning once we got old enough. Our dad insisted on having breakfast before we attacked the presents, and the wait was excruciating for us! So my middle sister and I eventually got the idea to make breakfast as soon as we woke up. We would make something to eat -- at first cereal and toast; later, more elaborate hot breakfasts. Then we would wake our parents (think 6 am) and announce that breakfast was served! When our younger sister got old enough we included her in the ritual. It was a tradition we continued until we left home, though we eventually stopped getting up *quite* so early!

“Favourite Christmas song/carol…”

I love so many of them. I would say "O Holy Night" and "Carol of the Bells"

"Favorite Christmas Movie"

How the Grinch Stole Christmas The older TV-special version, that is.

"Favorite Christmas Character"

Mary. Gotta give props to any woman who gives birth in a stable, lol!

“Favourite Christmas ornament/object…”

No specific one. I have several "special" ornaments that I like about equally.

“Plans for this Christmas…”

We opened presents at home on Christmas morning, then went to my parents house for the afternoon/evening, as usual, and had a wonderful time!

“Is Christmas your favourite holiday?”

Yes, absolutely.

Primary Decisions - Help wanted!

So. Michigan decided to move it's presidential primary election to January 15 in an attempt to be more relevant to the campaigns. (We used to be a Super Tuesday state.) In future elections, this may pay off, but for this year the effect has been to disenfranchise me as a would-be Democratic voter. Only 4 nominees will be on the Democratic ballot. The rest have boycotted in support of the DNC's policy against states "jumping ahead in line". The two candidates I would be most interested in voting for are among the boycotters. Hillary Clinton will win the non-contest, as the only "top tier" candidate on the ballot. I would likely vote unenthusiastically for Hillary over a Republican if she became the nominee, but I'm not psyched to vote for her in the primary.

Lucky for me, I have an alternative: voting in the Republican primary! We have an "open" primary, which means I do not have to register as a Republican to participate. I'm not looking to be a spoiler -- I want to vote for the Republican that would be the most acceptable president to me. If only I could decide whom that would be!

I thought it might be fun to get some help from my blog friends! If you are going to vote Republican, whom are you supporting and why? If you are voting Democratic, what factors would help you make a decision like this? Please keep it as positive as possible -- you can critique the candidates' platforms or records and talk about your own priorities, but please do not cast aspersions on a candidate's supporters or disrespect another person's priorities. (Disagreement does not equal disrespect, as I think we all know.)

I can't wait to hear what you all think. I'm finding it a fun exercise to choose from a group of candidates I normally wouldn't consider. Do I go straight pro/con on policy questions, or -- especially after the disaster that has been Bush II -- do I pay more attention to honesty and integrity?

Discuss...

Branding Babies

They sure start 'em early. I've been noticing how many of Ethan's clothes have labels on the outside, sticking out from the side of the garment. (They're *all* on the left side too, regardless of brand. How did that happen?) I didn't really think much of it at first, which only goes to show how insidious the culture of brand identity has become. Not until I realized that nearly every outfit he owns has an external tag, did I start to think about how weird that is.

It's a small thing, but what bothers me about these little tags is what they stand for: the fact that children are targeted by marketers from birth with the intention of establishing brand loyalties. What bothers me even more is that I can't easily opt myself or my kids out of this trend. I've tried to opt out to some extent, and it's hard work -- time consuming and often more expensive. Sigh.

The ubiquitousness of these external tags may be recent, but it's not really new. Some of the innovators of the idea were absolutely "up-front" about it. Funny how I never thought of this label as offensive:
I guess if it's around long enough, it becomes normal. Not sure how I feel about that.

Class Privileges

I saw this meme on Friendly Mama's blog, and thought it interesting. As Americans, we tend to compare ourselves to those in the social class above us, which can blind us to our own class privileges, especially if we grew up of modest means. This exercise provides a way to think about our privileges in a more objective way.

Friendly Mama found it on the Social Class and Quakers blog. Anyone who wishes to participate is encouraged to do so. Just leave a comment on the Social Class and Quakers blog and include an acknowledgment that the meme is based on an exercise developed by Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka at Illinois State University

I've bolded the statements that are true for me.

Father went to college
Father finished college
Mother went to college -- for 2 years after high school, then quit to marry my father
Mother finished college -- she went back to finish when I went to college and graduated a year ahead of me. :o)
Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor.
Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers -- same: small town middle class
Had more than 50 books in your childhood home
Had more than 500 books in your childhood home -- not when I was a small child, but by the time I was a teen, we may have had that many.
Were read children's books by a parent
Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18 -- always "parks and rec" group classes -- ballet, gymnastics, swimming, etc.
The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively
Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
Went to a private high school
Went to summer camp -- Our regional Bible camp as a kid, and cheerleading camp with my school squad in high school. Each was a one-week stay.
Had a private tutor before you turned 18
Family vacations involved staying at hotels -- We were campers, partly for reasons of cost, partly because my parents liked camping. I went through a stage where I craved hotel vacations, but now I'm a camper too. Like my parents, it's partly because we can't afford long-distance and/or hotel travel, but we also really like our camping vacations.
Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
There was original art in your house when you were a child -- when I was a small child, there was an oil painting of a Chinese junk at sunset that my father got from either Guam or Thailand when he was stationed there during the Vietnam war. My father was also a pretty good amateur photographer, so we had some of his artsy black and white photos in frames.
Had a phone in your room before you turned 18
You and your family lived in a single family house
Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
You had your own room as a child -- not until I was 11, but after that, yes.
Participated in an SAT/ACT prep course
Had your own TV in your room in High School
Owned a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College
Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16 -- only once, when I was a baby. We were living near whatever military base my dad was stationed at, and my mother flew (with me) back home to her family for a visit. My grandparents probably paid for the trip.
Went on a cruise with your family
Went on more than one cruise with your family
Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family -- I was unaware of the dollar amount, but I *was* aware that my parents couldn't always pay the bills when I was young. I knew that certain bills could be late without dire penalty because my parents had to choose which ones to pay late sometimes. As far as I know, we never suffered a shut off of utilities or phone or anything, so they were able to scrape by.

For someone who grew up without a lot of money by US standards, I'm struck by how many of these privileges I had. Some of them are by-products of growing up near a college town with parents who were relatively well educated. Museums at the University were free, for example. My parents valued educational experiences and stretched their budget to provide what they could for us. My own kids are in a similar situation. Since we have chosen to be a one-income family (even though Firmin's income isn't extraordinary), we often find ourselves in social demographic groups that usually correlate with higher incomes. We are blessed to live the life we live and have the opportunities that we have.

I appreciate that this meme came from a Quaker blog, though it's clearly appropriate for anyone. Since becoming a Friend, I've found it easier to be content with my blessings as they are. I'm not sure if that is due to growing spiritual maturity, or simply because I'm in frequent contact with people who don't value material things very much. (Indeed, doing with less is looked upon with respect.) Whatever the reason, I'm also aware that it's not too hard to be content when one's basic needs are met. May I remain aware of all the ways in which my path was smoothed by fortunate life circumstances, and may I be sensitive (yet not patronizing) to those who make do with far less.

Super Dad

In 1994, I got a kitten. Before I brought it home, Firmin made it clear to me that the kitten would be *my* cat, and he would have nothing to do with it. Yeah, well... Within 30 minutes of the kitten’s arrival, he was in love. He was tender and playful with her and concerned for her well-being. I knew then, six years prior to the birth of our first child, that he was going to be a great dad.

Thirteen years and three children later, here's the latest evidence that I was right:

When I arrived home from running errands this afternoon, I found Firmin and the two older kids "tailgating" in our back yard. Alexander is on his lap; Brianna's reading a book by the fire. That's the college football game on the TV. How awesome is that?

Oh, and the half-circle fence around the fire pit area is one that he built this summer from discarded pallets.

While I'm bragging on him, did I mention that he also ran his first marathon a couple of weeks ago? Yup, he did.



*******
A bit of blog business: I want to say thank you to everyone for your comments. I love reading them, and I apologize for not responding to them directly very often lately. It's all Ethan's fault. ;o) Please know that I'm reading them and I hope to be able to be more responsive soon.

Meandering, part 2

Inspired by my previous post and, in turn, Aliki's post, my youngest sister has a lovely blog entry about rediscovering the ability to meander as an adult. It's worth a look -- check it out here.

Meandering

This recent post on Aliki's blog got me thinking. I'm going to quote her a bit for those who don't have time to check out the original post:

In a meeting this Monday morning at Liam's school... much off-the-topic concern was expressed over his inability to make a speedy trip from the resource room back to the classroom and vice versa. Apparently it has taken him as much as six minutes to walk the short route.

He stops to look in the recycling barrel! One teacher commented...

He reads the bulletin board!

I've caught him pulling papers out of the trash-can and reading them!

I am... perplexed... by all the clocking and accounting of movements that goes on. Liam has never been interested in the end result; it's the process that interests him--the journey, the diversions which tempt and might lead him to bigger, more interesting things.

And really, when you think about, who can blame him? The starting and ending points of a day (and of life) are far less interesting than what happens in-between. Between points A and B lie infinite possibilities--the unimagined, thousands and thousands of connecting and re-connecting lines between ideas and dreams and more ideas. The magic of it all is in what is spread out in-between, not so much in the predictability of what lies at either end.

So often, when I read accounts of the myriad ways that schools force children into molds or squash their natural curiosity, or make something potentially fun into something dreary or stressful, I respond with a mental, "Thank goodness for homeschooling". But this time I can't say that. I'm just like those teachers -- always goading the children to "Stop dawdling", "Hurry up", "Come ON!" Sometimes my behavior is justified, but honestly, often it's not.

Have I become unable to meander? Even when the kids and I take a walk at the nature center, after a certain amount of poking about, I'm encouraging them to move on, simply because *I* can't stand to stay in one spot any longer. I'm sure I used to be able to dawdle. I can remember doing it as a little girl. Actually, what I remember is daydreaming, but I must have been meandering at the same time.

Yet I haven't quite hit upon the real issue. I can still "wander". Housework is often interrupted by excursions into photo albums, books, papers, etc. (Of course, being the responsible grown up that I am, I chide myself for such lapses in efficiency.) Even on foot, I can meander -- enjoying the journey if I'm not in a hurry. So maybe my problem is with stopping while *someone else* smells the proverbial roses. Yeah, I think that's it. It's a kind of self- centeredness or control issue masquerading as normal parental behavior.

Bummer. This one's gonna take some work to overcome...