Best Bible Analogy Ever

I found this gem in the current issue of Friends Journal:

"I have heard [it said] that the Bible is a crutch. A crutch provides support to a broken individual, and since the Bible does so admirably, there is no problem with the assertion. However, it is appalling to remove a crutch from someone who is using it, and it is alarming to beat someone over the head with our own crutch. ...[P]lease avoid violence to or with this venerable text."

(From "Addressing the Differences Among Friends" by Howie Baker, Friends Journal, Dec. 2009)

Well said, Friend Howie.

Too Much Pressure

"Mommy," Alexander approached me with the plaintive voice that means something is bothering him. "I need to decide what I want to be when I grow up." The enormity of this task was clearly weighing on him.
If you had asked Alexander at age 4 what he wanted to be when he grew up, he would
have rattled off a list of about 5 things, mostly consisting of the
usual little-boy fantasy careers: dump truck driver, fire fighter, rock
star. But now that he's seven, he knows that his options are wide open
and he has plenty of time in the future to explore what jobs he might be right for him. If you ask him now, his answer is a very age-appropriate "I don't know."

I knew right away where this was coming from. This weekend, Alexander broke his pinky finger. The break was close enough to his knuckle that the urgent care doctor wanted him to see a hand specialist to make sure it didn't require any extraordinary measures. (It didn't.) Firmin took him to the hand doctor on Monday. When they came back, Firmin told me about how the doctor seemed to have a bit of a fixation on Alexander's future career choice. Asking a kid what he wants to be when he grows up is standard doctor small-talk, but this guy seemed to have a hard time taking "I don't know" for an answer. "He kept coming back to it", Firmin observed. We found this strange and mildly annoying, but didn't give it much more thought.

Alexander, on the other hand, apparently took it much more seriously. He told me the doctor said he had "two weeks to think about it" and he's going to ask again when we go back for the 2 week check. (why???) Xan is all stressed about this. Sigh. All my good mom advice about ignoring such rude behavior from the doctor, and how much time he has, blah, blah blah, is falling on deaf ears. He wants to have an answer, but he doesn't want to just make something up. "I don't want to tell him a lie!" Ah, my sweet, sweet, child! How can I argue with that? So we did a little brainstorming this evening. He was surprised to realize that there are real jobs with the Lego company. He found that intriguing. (We even looked up some vacancies -- many in Denmark!) "Video game designer" was another possibility. He laughed at my suggestion of saying he was going to be a bum and never leave home, but he won't really say that, of course. I secretly wish he would. I'd love to see the look on the doctor's face when I backed that statement up with a proud, beaming smile.

The larger issue here is why do some adults think it's cute to put kids on the spot like this? A *7* year old must have a specific career ambition? Does he really think that or is he simply unable to see when he's making his patients uncomfortable with his clueless banter? Does he badger his adult patients about stuff they'd rather not talk about? (I doubt it, though I've met one or two doctors who are socially inept enough to come close.) Why do adults do this? This doctor is not the only example we've experienced of otherwise nice grown-ups treating children like this. They repeatedly ask questions the child is clearly uncomfortable answering, or they insist that the child try or do something they clearly don't care to try or do. I'm not talking about things that the child should or must do for a good reason, such as saying "ah" so that the doctor can look at an infected throat. I'm talking about nagging a shy child to show off for a group, or quizzing a child (not their own) on something they are studying in school, even after it becomes clear they don't enjoy the quiz. I'm talking about insisting that a 7 year old decide on a future career in only 2 weeks and expecting him to realize it's a joke, except it's not really a joke because he knows you won't lay off until he gives a convincing answer.

Beautiful Living

Tonya at Plain and Joyful Living has a post up today entitled Vision.  She relates how her family's decision to live simply in rural Vermont has meant coming to terms with the fact that not everything on the homestead is beautiful.  Money to landscape nicely, haul away rubble from building projects, or repair the barn is not usually available, so they live with visions of future beauty among the not-so-beautiful parts, relying on the work of their hands and Providence.  This passage exemplifies her can-do spirit, I think:

I didn't want to look at those big ugly concrete blocks, however, so I am in the process of building a branch fence to put right in front of them. I will plant sweet peas in front of the fence and I can envision the beautiful flowers and green vines climbing over the fence this summer. I piled up rocks around the well head as a worked in the garden. There was trash to remove. I found some flat rocks to add to our entryway walkway. (The chickens enjoyed finding insects and worms while we were cleaning up!)

After reading (and admiring) her post, I found my thoughts taking a tangent on the role of consumerism in our conception of beauty and ugliness.  Beauty -- that is, the orderly, manufactured beauty that requires purchasing things -- is lifted up in our culture as a key to a happy, meaningful life.  This is a marketing ploy, of course, but it's wielded not only by mainstream corporate interests (which I am fairly successful at ignoring), but also by interests which are much more alluring to me. I'm invited to furnish my home with beautiful organic products, to purchase aesthetically-pleasing, artisan-made toys, tools and clothing that support local, independent manufacturers and merchants. (I almost feel guilty NOT buying them.)  I could landscape my yard with native vegetation and pave my ugly mud driveway with permeable concrete -- as beautiful as it is environmentally friendly!  My home really should have bamboo or cork floors (gorgeous!) instead of the dirty, undoubtedly toxic carpet we live with, shouldn't it?  Even at my co-operatively owned grocery, special products for beautiful sustainable living abound, strangly tempting even when I don't really need them. Hand-thrown pottery with eco-friendly glaze, or my grandmother's hand-me-down 1970's Corelle? Hmmm... (Actually, that one's a no-brainer with kids, and we could never afford the pottery anyway, but you get the idea.)

Frankly, waging this constant internal battle to resist these messages can be exhausting.  Marketers -- even ones who pay their office cleaning crew a living wage -- are clever, clever, clever.  They can make me forget what is truly beautiful in my life, and that's a shame on me, as much as them. 

On my best days, I feel good about how we are resisting consumerism in favor of other, more meaningful life experiences.  I can catch Tonya's vision and see that we are working toward a different kind of beauty in our lives, a kind of unkempt, wild beauty of gardens and fruit trees, of family togetherness and honey bees.  On my worst days, I feel like I'm not even doing a good job with the meaningful life experiences part, and I really just want some matching furniture.

October 2009

It's been a while since I've posted anything here. I've been wanting to put up something of substance, but honestly, my brain hasn't been ruminating on much that is original lately. I've been getting into the homeschooling routine for this year, finishing up the garden (still don't have the garlic planted yet), running to sports practices and games. I guess all of that external activity is not good for introspection and reflection. I still think about things, but mostly they are things that are brought to my mind externally -- from reading or hearing a news item or someone else's thoughts about a subject. I'm not reflecting long enough to form many  new or interesting ideas of my own. This doesn't feel bad or wrong; it's just where I am right now. As we head into November and the natural world goes dead and dark, perhaps I will be able to turn inward and find something worth writing about. In the mean time, here are some scenes from our house in October. Missing are pictures of Alexander's flag football. I really wish I had some, because 7 year old football players are super cute. :o) I think all of the recent pictures of Alexander are on Firmin's iPhone and I don't know how to download them. My own hit-or-miss shots with the real camera will have to do:

This is a typical mid-afternoon scene in the living room. The older kids are off playing elsewhere -- perhaps outside or on the computer -- having finished their school work for the day. I'm in the kitchen. Ethan has finished his nap, had a little Mommy time, and will play contentedly by himself for quite a while. What you can't get from the picture is the background sound track: The Wiggles, most definitely!


Firmin has always loved spending special one-on-one time at the table with the kids while they are little. I think Ethan looks especially like Firmin in this photo. He always has, but this picture captures a more mature face than Ethan usually exhibits, so the similarity stands out all the more. Ethan usually looks much more toddler-ish -- more like this:

Friend Ann washing some of the 200 chairs stored in our garage for eventual use in the new Meetinghouse. Between the grime from their previous life and the dust from being in our garage for a year, the cleaning crew had their jobs cut out for them!

Even hard work is fun if you get to use a power washer!

Brianna's bookshelf. (Found this on the camera -- she must have taken it.) The top shelf is her "stack" -- the books she is planning to read, aranged in the order she plans to read them. Most of the stack is composed of library books. The bottom shelf is a selection of books that she owns. This stack is average to small. Since this picture was taken, we've been back to the library. Her current stack is larger than usual and fills the top shelf completely!

Not Back to School Day 2009

Keeping the Sabbath

I don't know when the idea of Observing the Sabbath first came to me as something I might consider doing myself. It started as such a gentle nudge that it really seemed to just flit through my head by chance. One of those ideas that, if you notice it at all, you simply smile and shake your head at such an absurdity. But Spirit knows how I operate; I have to build up tolerance to an idea before I can adopt it. Over time, the idea of Sabbath came to me more frequently, first as a novelty, then as a more serious curiosity. When I found myself feeling a lack of "right order" in my life earlier this year, my heart was groomed to hear God's advice to me -- Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.

My head was another story. I often feel pressed for time as it is. It would require compromises and re-arranging some of our routines. Firmin would *never* go for it -- he would think I'd gone 'round the bend -- and I couldn't really do it alone. The thought of even seriously discussing it with him seemed awkward. I'm already a weirder wife than he bargained for, why push the envelope this far? (I must state here that Firmin has been great about walking with me down many "alternative" paths, often enthusiastically. I don't know why I continue to think he's going to balk, but I once again, I did.) Spirit continued to nudge me with increasing force, but I resisted and rationalized and looked for some more reasonable, modern method of ordering my life. Some wonderful idea out of a magazine or someone's blog, maybe.

Then one day Firmin said (not for the first time) that he felt like we had "too much going on". He didn't put it in so many words, but after some discussion it was clear that what he was feeling was the same lack of "right order" that I felt. I tossed off the idea of Sabbath keeping as some silly idea that kept coming into my head lately: "Maybe we need to do something like that, I don't know..." He didn't respond right away and I figured that was the end of that idea. But later in the evening, he came to me and said it was exactly what we needed to do.

So we did it. This past First Day was our first observed Sabbath. We aren't following any particular set of rules, Jewish, Christian, or otherwise. We created our own definition of "work", based on what feels like work to us -- no cooking, yard work, household projects, or shopping. The only housework allowed is picking up after ourselves (and Ethan) as we go along through the day, so as not to create a stressful mess for Monday morning. Dishes were an item of concern for me. I suggested perhaps using paper plates and cups, even though that would not be the most environmentally responsible choice. I was unwilling to face a sink full of dirty dishes first thing on a Monday morning! Firmin had a better solution -- each person would be responsible for their own dishes, either washing them out after using them or putting them in the dishwasher. This worked beautifully and didn't feel like work to anyone. At the end of the day, the only soiled items were one or two serving dishes. We have also decided to forgo commercial activity, either for consumption or entertainment. I am abstaining from the computer, though I have not imposed that discipline on the kids -- not yet, anyway.

Our guide-words are Faith, Family, Friends and Community. We attend Quaker Meeting this day, and in addition, I am spending part of the day in devotional reading and/or prayer. Our time spent not working is to be spent with each other or friends and extended family in peaceful and relaxed companionship rather than hurried "doing". We do allow ourselves to drive, as this facilitates our ability to worship with Friends and to spend time with loved ones outside our immediate family. I'm sure questions will come up of "should we or shouldn't we". The guide-words are designed to help us keep the Spirit of our Sabbath as we formulate the rules and exceptions.

I loved our first Sabbath. Here are some insights, observations and surprises:

- I was surprised how the prospect of keeping Sabbath on First Day made Saturday so much more intentional. I had to prepare to do no work the next day, which meant I wanted the house reasonably clean and a meal ready to eat. With this goal in mind, the process of readying our house for Sabbath was quick and pleasant. I was cleaning for the purpose of taking a day off, not because it was simply drudgery that needed to be done. I hope this effect does not wear off over time!

-- Importantly, (important enough to give this it's own bullet point), preparation for the Sabbath was a shared purpose for me and Firmin, so even as we worked independently on tasks that needed to be done, we were working together toward our goal. The children pitched in, their attitude helped by the knowledge that had a completely chore-free day ahead. This made Saturday a family day in a different but still powerful way.

- I found that refraining from work felt sooo self-indulgent! I almost feel like it can't count as a spiritual discipline because it was so luxurious! But Jesus did say that Sabbath was made for humans, not humans for the Sabbath, so I guess it's O.K. for it to be enjoyable!

- I realized how often I say "I should..." to myself. Many times throughout the day, it occurred to me that if I weren't keeping Sabbath, I would feel like I should be doing something productive. But since I couldn't, I was able to turn back to my book or crossword or game with Ethan without guilt and enjoy it that much more.

- In addition to Saturday being more intentional, my movements about the house on First Day were more intentional as well. I did far more picking up as I went along than on a typical day. I was aware of not creating a situation that would require a concentrated period of "work", which would then have to be put off until Monday. Of course I had no where to run off to and no other pressing task to take priority, but I'm hoping the habit of seeing small needs and meeting them in the moment is one that takes hold in the rest of my week.

- I jumped up from my seat far less often.

- My mind felt more calm than usual.

- We were all very nice to each other. Not that we are usually mean, but we were exceptionally nice on First Day.

- I now feel compelled to call Sunday "First Day" as a symbolic way to make my Sabbath practice tie in with my Quaker practice.*

- BIG surprise and too perfect to be coincidence: On Saturday, I had lunch with an old friend from high school, whom I have only recently reconnected with. I mentioned that we were going to begin observing the Sabbath that weekend. She looked at me with wide eyes and said that she and her husband had recently decided to do so as well. Prior to this, I knew *no one* personally who keeps the Sabbath, so this just seemed like Divine validation. Perhaps it seemed so for her too.

We are early in this journey, needless to say. I fully expect to learn many new things as we go along, and I expect there will be situations that challenge our commitment. Perhaps, after a season, we will be led to let the practice go. In any case, I am grateful that I listened (eventually) to this leading and give the thanks to Spirit. After all, it was God's idea, not mine!



*Early Quakers rejected Sabbath-keeping as practiced by the church in England. They felt that everyday life could be lived as sacred if one attended to The Light Within on a daily basis. Sounds good in theory, but personally, I think Sabbath keeping may have been a precious, but abused little baby that got thrown out with the bath water.

Here is a talk given at Pacific Yearly Meeting in 2006 that I found insightful. Here is an article I found just this evening that addresses some of the practical concerns about keeping the Sabbath in our modern world.

First Batch of Tomatoes

I intended to can peaches today, but the half bushel I bought last night was not ripe enough. Since I had the kitchen all prepared for canning, I decided to do tomatoes. Turned out to be a good choice! I was able to completely fill this basket with ripe tomatoes from the garden, some of which really needed to be dealt with ASAP. The peaches will wait for a couple of days.

This picture didn't quite capture the beautiful colors of the heirloom tomatoes the way I hoped it would. They were so bright and juicy that I found my self smiling throughout the process of chopping them up. What one would think might be a mundane task was really quite enjoyable.

Filling the jars and loading them into the (new!) pressure canner.

Ready to process!

The canner to survive the Apocalypse! (Let's see what kind of Google hits *that* phrase gets me, lol!) It was a little tricky getting the lid screwed on evenly, but after that, it was so easy to use. Good old American-made quality!

The finished product: 7 quarts of heirloom tomatoes canned in their own juice. Should make some yummy chili and spaghetti sauce this winter!

For the curious canners among you, this was a simple raw pack, which is partly why the fruit is floating as much as it is. Not as pretty on the shelf, but oh so easy and probably more nutritious.

Pencil Peril

Quaker blogger and writer Eileen Flanigan has a blog post up that is mostly about finding time to write amid the back-to-school hustle and bustle. But tucked in there is a thought or two about using up old school supplies rather than buying all new ones each and every year. As homeschoolers, there is less pressure on us to get all new things in the fall (and we don't need many folders, etc. as there is no daily transport from one place to another required for most of their paperwork.) Pencils, on the other hand, have become an issue. Ethan (almost 2) has for some time now been fond of biting the erasers off pencils. He doesn't eat them, just bites them off, sucks on them for a few minutes, then spits them onto the carpet. Pink block erasers are strewn about the house but never seem to be handy when we need them, and end-cap erasers are a choking hazard for Ethan, so I've bought more new pencils in the last 9 months than in the previous 9 years! Environmentally unfriendly as it may be, it's actually kind of amusing when we step back and observe ourselves:

"Mommy!! Ethan's got a pencil with an eraser!"

"Quick, trade him for a bitten one!"

"He doesn't want it! I can't get it away from him!"

"Be careful yanking it away; if he lets go, you'll stab yourself in the face."

"But he won't let go! Arrgh! He bit it! Now I can't do my math!"

"Nice try. Just get a new pencil. I sharpened a bunch of them the other day."

Someday when Ethan gets older, he's going to wonder why we have 100 pencils in the house but NONE with an eraser. We can't wait to tell him...

Garden and Yard Photos

Two of the 4 main garden beds. The one on the left has broccoli, kale, rainbow chard and peppers. The one on the right is my first attempt at a "lasagna" bed -- layers of mulch placed right on top of newspaper-covered sod! It's doing great, with a sprawling pickling cucumber plant in the foreground, basil, cilantro, tomatoes and parsley. Firmin has started building boxes around these beds. Eventually, he'll do all four beds. They will look very neat when he is done. They already add some sharpness to the garden! In the extreme foreground, you can see the edge of the dying pea patch on the right and a corner of another tomato bed on the left.

Looking from the new blueberry patch (planted this year) toward the apple trees (last year) and the main garden beyond that, next to the house.

Another tomato bed (the one you could see the corner of in the first picture.) My tomato plants are doing very well this year. A bit of leaf spot, but not too bad. Many, many green tomatoes and still many flowers as well. The bed in the foreground with the spent peas will be my fall bed. Just planted carrots, with lettuce and spinach to come.

Another view of the garden with the big tomatoes in front hogging most of the view. All my tomatoes this year are heirloom. I'm going to try my hand at seed saving this time around.

In this picture you can see the blueberry patch on the left, the garage on the right, and into the back yard. We have let the far back grow wild, with paths mowed through the tall grass. (Ethan loves it back there -- the grass is higher than his head!) My plan is to eventually have another garden plot behind the garage for space-intensive things -- pumpkin, corn, melons, broccoli, etc. (I really need a much larger stand of broccoli, since we eat a ton of it!) It's a long way from the water spigot, but some rain barrels by the garage should take care of most of the water needs. The biggest obstacle is fencing. Right now, this section of the yard is very wildlife friendly -- we have rabbits, deer, skunks, raccoons, woodchucks, and more visit or live in our yard. Needless to say, any garden back there will need a good fence!

Two Year Old Conversation

Scene: Ethan (nearly 2) jumps from the sofa and partly lands on his big brother, Alexander (7).

Ethan (bending over Alexander and looking him right in the face): Okay?

Alexander: I'm fine.

E: Okay?

A: I'm fine.

E: Okay?

A: I'm fine!

E: Okay?

A: I'm fine!

E: Okay?

A: I'm Okay.

E: Okay?

A: Yes.

E: Okay. (He climbs back up for another jump...)

Boston Road Trip Pictures

In the car and ready to go. Yes, they are already eating.

Mom is still in a pretty good mood, despite leaving about 2 hours "late". I like road trips.

Granny and Grandpa Charlot meet Ethan for the first time.

Best toy ever!
Ethan played with this for almost an hour while Firmin and the other kids watched an OmniMax movie at the Boston Museum of Science

For Brianna's birthday, we went to Friendly's and got a 12 scoop sundae to share. Yum! The girls on the right and left are Brianna and Alexander's cousins (Firmin's sister's kids). We stayed at their house and all the children had a blast together.

I-93 as it goes under the city.
This is the result of The Big Dig, which began when Firmin and I were still living in Boston and is very nearly finished. This is what $14.6 billion dollars looks like!

The more scenic result is the park/greenway below, where the ugly, elevated highway supports used to be. The North End and Downtown seem much more a part of the same city now.

We were walking the Freedom Trail this day. The splash fountians were a big help for the kids who were starting to feel hot and tired! This was one of only 2 warm sunny days while we were there.

Dinner at Granny's restaurant after our day in the city. The couple in the mural above are Firmin's parents. (His dad's head is cut off in this pic!)

Alexander, hamming it up with his cousin Chrismin (nicknamed Caillou), who spent a few days with us at Linda's. The boys had fun together and got along great.

One of the highlights of the trip home was our last pit stop at Cabela's, a *huge* sporting goods store and tourist destination all in one. The kids enjoyed climbing on the big statue of wrestling bears.

Back in Town

June is always a busy month, but it was especially so this year. Between birthdays, garden work, a 12 day vacation/road trip to the Boston area, and the planning and packing for the Boston trip, blogging didn't just take a back seat, it got kicked out of the vehicle! Hope no one gave up on me completely.

But I'm back now, with a more leisurely July schedule and some ideas for posts percolating in my head. Stay tuned...

Looking Up

I haven't gotten the low-down on the situation, but it appears our neighbor's grandchildren and their mother might be living with them. They've been frequent visitors in the past, but now seem to be around every day for the entire day. (Not sure what the school situation is either...) They are an 11 or 12 year old girl and a 15 year old boy. Brianna and Alexander have always enjoyed playing with them, and they seem to be good kids. The girl even takes time out to play with Ethan. I'm thinking of asking her to do some "mother's helper" work for me this summer if she's still around. I'm also impressed with the boy. He seems (from the distance I watch at) to have the right mix of youthful enthusiasm, older kid know-it-all, and big brother affection. Both Brianna and Alexander have significantly improved their basketball games by playing against him!

But now that they are around all the time, I'm thinking more about influence. They've moved beyond basketball and bike riding -- though they still do plenty of both -- to games involving more imagination and dialog. I've not seen anything to cause alarm; quite the contrary. But I'm aware that I don't see everything. I'm also aware that a 15 year old boy could have tremendous influence, for good or ill, on my nearly 7 year old son. I can tell that Alexander looks up to J. and enjoys spending time with him. Today, when I mentioned that J. was outside shooting baskets, Alexander left his computer game immediately to go outside and play. (A minor miracle!)

Our family has been blessed with good older-kid role models for our children. My sister's kids (now middle-schoolers) are wonderful, and the older children in our homeschool group and at our Quaker Meeting are also the kind of people I like to be around. However, this is the first time Brianna and Alexander are developing relationships with older kids that I don't personally know well. Their grandparents are good people, and they seem to be as well, but there is a level of trust and letting go that I'm not yet used to. So for now, I'll keep my eyes open and hope that these neighbor kids will be among the good role models who are showing my own children how to be the kind of kid a little one can look up to.

Random Pictures Just For Fun

Brianna and her friend Wren. The children in First Day School visited the new meetinghouse construction site and posted their hopes and dreams for the new building on the studs, so that they will be there behind the walls for always. (Click here for photos of the building progress.)

Dissecting an owl pellet takes concentration.

Our newest porch residents!
5 day old robins

Who knew a cold fire pit could be so much fun? Ethan looked like a little coal miner.

Below: Fun at the park

Spiritual Liberation and the "O" Word

I spent some time this weekend on a solo Mother's Day Retreat. My family graciously excused me for 24 hours to rejuvenate and relax. Yesterday, I spent some time with Philadelphia Yearly Meeting's Faith and Practice, a sort of "handbook" for Quakers. In the "Advices" section (page 82 of the 2002 edition or here, in section I) I read this:

As death comes to our willfulness, a new life is formed in us, so that we are liberated from distractions and frustrations, from fears, angers and guilts. Thus we are enabled to sense the Inward Light and to follow it's leadings.

I am struck by how I usually get this backwards. I've operated on the assumption that if I could just listen carefully enough to the Inward Light, it would lead me to actions that would rid me of distraction, frustration, fear, etc. In my experience that this does not work very well! I've blamed my own spiritual weakness, or a lack of time to devote to worship. Both of these might indeed be factors, but this passage leads me to consider the possibility that there might be steps I can take even when the Light burns dim within. (Perhaps especially then.)

I suspect this is where the word "obedience" rears it's ugly head. How do I hasten the death of my willfulness? I'm still mulling this over, but I'm pretty sure it will involve obedience of some sort. This could be my fundementalist upbringing showing, but I don't think so.

Like most modern Americans, the word "obedience" has negative connotations for me. In modern usage, it suggests that the benefit of the obedience accrues primarily to the one being obeyed and implies a threat if obedience is not forth-coming. Obedience is what slaves render to masters, children to parents (especially cruel ones), employees to bosses. But in spiritual matters, it must have a more nuanced meaning. What has God to gain from my obedience? Another piece of the "body" (I Corinthians 12) I suppose, but it would seem I myself, and those around me, have much to gain as well. And why would Spirit punish me? Any "punishment" is of my own making -- I miss out on something or end up in an unpleasant situation. So obedience to (with?) the Divine must be of a different character than obedience to masters, parents and bosses.

Obedience with. I like that -- it seems mature and wise. Come to think of it, I obey countless "rules" every day simply because they are wise. I follow many rules in gardening so as to ensure a good harvest; I try to make sure the dishes are done before I go to bed so as not to start the next day two steps behind; I look both ways for cars before I cross the street so as to avoid injury or death. I didn't always know these rules, or understand why they are important. I've killed many a seedling out of ignorance or carelessness. I've learned the law of the dishes the hard way on more than one occasion. Ignorance of it did not excuse me from the consequences! Obedience with Spirit must be like this. No arbitrary laws or lightning bolts. Just putting God at the center of life instead of myself, deciding on faith to trust the rules that decision brings into focus and obeying them. What have I to loose but my distraction, frustration, fear, anger and guilt? If I only loose one off that list, I'll take it! As for a greater ability to sense the Light and follow it's leadings... One thing at a time, I think.

First Haircut

Firmin gave Ethan his first hair cut yesterday. I was worried he'd look too much older, and I'm pleased that the change isn't too drastic. He's still my baby! :o)


Before



















After

Casualty of War

I'm a little late on this story, but it has haunted me like few others from the past few weeks. Last week the United States Supreme Court heard arguments in a case involving a 13 year old girl being strip-searched by school officials on a tip from a fellow student that she might be hiding prescription-strength ibuprofen. As disturbing as the undisputed facts in the case are, I was even more shocked by the school district's reasoning, as stated in its brief and to reporters, in defending the strip search.

Here are a few passages from the NPR report I heard on the morning of April 21:

Redding says her whole body was visible to the school administrators. She kept her head down so the nurse and the secretary couldn't see her fighting back tears.

(snip)

In its brief, the school says the fact that Redding was an honors student who had never been in trouble before is not evidence of good conduct, but only evidence that she had never been caught.

The school views itself as a protector of its students' health and safety, which includes protecting students from both illegal and over-the-counter drugs.

(snip)

"Children call their private parts their private parts for a reason. They not subject to exposure, to observation by school officials. When children are strip-searched, they experience trauma that's similar in kind and degree to sexual abuse," says Wolf.

School lawyer Wright counters, "We just have to ask ourselves, as a policy matter, do you really want a drug-free environment? And if you do, then there are going to be some privacy invasions when there is reason to suspect that those drugs are being dispensed on campus, that they're being used by students."

Here's what upsets me about the school's argument:

1) There was no presumption of innocence for Miss Redding. Indeed, the presumption seems to have been that she was guilty. They boldly assert that fact that she was an upstanding student who had never been in trouble only meant that she hadn't been caught. I shudder to think how they would have treated a student with average grades who had been caught passing notes once or twice. Imagine if the adults in your child's school consistently expected the worst from them and their peers, regardless of their previous conduct! Furthermore, do our children loose *all* their civil rights at the school door? I understand the need for some curtailment of rights, however this seems not only ridiculous, but shameful.

2)

"The school views itself as a protector of it's students' health and safety..."

Hmmm... Miss Redding suffered both emotional and phsyical harm (ulcers) from the strip search. But they made darn sure she wouldn't harm herself or any one else with ibuprofen pills! This infuriates me. Without a doubt, I would have experienced a strip search at age 13 as akin to a sexual violation. They did NOT protect her from the far greater harm. They inflicted it.

3)

"School lawyer Wright counters, 'We just have to ask ourselves, as a policy matter, do you really want a drug-free environment? And if you do, then there are going to be some privacy invasions...' "

Basically, they are arguing that a totally drug-free environment means "nerdy" 13 year old girls -- and thus everyone else -- are subject to strip searches on the flimsiest of accusations. Really on the basis of gossip alone. (Miss Redding was accused by a former friend who, in all-too-common "mean girl" fashion, was eager to prove her break from Miss Redding to her new crowd.) I say no. A totally drug-free environment is not worth that. My high school, a good, middle class, small-town school, was not drug free, but I felt safe there. Even if I had felt threated by some of the drug activity (which I did not; the drug-using kids kept to themselves), imagine how much greater my fear if I were given cause to believe that any whisper said against me could mean I had to take my clothes off in front of the school secretary?


And in case you thought it couldn't be worse, the school's lawyer asserted before the court that even a body cavity search -- a body cavity search! -- would be permissable in this circumstance. I kid you not.

I'm dismayed to read that the justices seemed to be more sympathetic to the school's arguments than to the girl's. Perhaps not surprisingly, only Justice Ginsberg seemed to grasp what kind of impact such an experience could have on a young girl. (It's buried in a long audio clip, but basically she responded to a male justice who insinuated that 13 year olds are often cavalier about nakedness. She chided that maybe 13 year old boys are like that, but 13 year old girls certainly are not!) In any case, the prevailing thinking seemed to be better kids be "embarrassed" than kids get killed. Seems like a stretch to me; we're talking ibuprofen, not anthrax. Even if the drug under suspicion were marijuana, I would want to see a higher level of probable cause for such a search. Drugs like meth, heroin or cocaine get trickier, but is there not room for *some* level of common sense?

I await the courts decision. If they come down on the side of the school, I will be less likely than ever to send my children to school. In any case, I'd have to take a good long look at their drug-enforcement policy, then just hope they don't exercise their "right" to violate my child. Nevertheless, my ability to protect my own children is small comfort in the face of millions of children who will not be so protected should the court decide that an innocent child's emotional well-being is a reasonable sacrifice in the war on drugs.

Snatches

Sorry for the long hiatus between posts. Seems I seldom have more than 5 or 10 minutes to spend on the computer at one sitting, though I have those minutes several times a day. A good blog post -- any blog post other than a "Wordless Wednesday" -- takes much more concentrated time than that. (Even this one is taking longer than I intended!)

The good news is that I'm ready to begin a re-ordering phase. Perhaps it's the season, or just that I'm tired of always feeling behind. I feel like I do so much in "snatches" these days -- the computer, the kids, household tasks, gardening, errands. It all feels dis-jointed and inadequate. I hope to be able to organize my days such that I spend less of my life in snatches and more of it in full experience. Knowing myself as I do, it's a tall order. But now and then I manage it for a while, and life is so much better when I do. If I succeed, you'll likely see more blog posts and fewer Facebook updates. I like Facebook, but it's like living on snack crackers when you really want to cook and eat a good meal.

Computer time is over now -- gotta put the kids to bed. Wish me luck... and Light.

The Crocus are Coming

Girls Will Be Girls

Yesterday, we went to an indoor play facility on a day they offer a good deal for homeschoolers. I guess lots of kids have reached to that end-of-winter craziness. It was packed and the children were even more rambunctious than usual.

Alexander (age 6) always has a blast -- doesn't matter if his buddies are there or not. He plays with friends, acquaintances and strangers alike. Give most boys a room full of bounce houses, a few beach balls, and space to run and they're set for hours. Ethan (17 mo.) also likes to run and play on the toddler toys that are available.

Brianna (age 8) has not always enjoyed herself so much at this facility. The bouncing and running are fun for about a half-hour, but after that, much depends on who else is there. Yesterday, I'm pleased to say, was a good day for her. Her best friend was there, but that was just the beginning. There was a fairly large cohort of upper-elementary age girls who spent the afternoon in a herd -- sometimes talking, sometimes bouncing, sometimes wandering here and there looking older than they had any right to. (When did Brianna start sauntering?) She's not always comfortable in groups like that, but yesterday she was clearly one of the gang.

On the way home, I observed aloud that she seemed to have had a good time with all those girls. "Yeah" she said in her usual understated way. Then after a beat, she continued: "At about 2:00 we formed a club. It was called the 'Girls Rule, No Boys Allowed Club'." The mature adult mother of two sons in me cringed just a little. But the former third grade girl in me gave a fist pump in the air, and I felt myself smile.

The Book Was Better

Brianna, Alexander and I recently finished reading The Spiderwick Chronicles book series together. Night after night for about 3 weeks, we reveled in the delightful descriptions of the creatures, the mystery, the suspense. Tonight we capped off our experience with a family movie night, popping popcorn and watching the film version of the story. (Sheilding Ethan's eyes where necessary.) The movie effects were excellent, the acting was superb, and the story line was clear. Judged solely on it's own merits, it was a good movie.

But, as readers everywhere might predict, it couldn't hold a candle to the books. Not only did the sequence and location of events diverge early on, but it soon became clear that some of our favorite scenes and creatures were left out. No Dwarves, no elves (!!), no Phooka. And no dragon, which meant no arial battle between the dragon and the griffin -- bummer.

As sorry as I am that the movie didn't delight us more, I also feel a smug satisfaction. I love that the experience of huddling together on bed and reading a good book aloud can still trump Hollywood, sophisticated computer effects and all.

Up next: The Tale of Despereaux, which we will start reading tonight. Will we see the movie afterword? Probably, but expectations will be low.

Defending the Faith

Earlier this week, in casual conversation with two other moms from Brianna's basketball team, I used the descriptive phrase "a woman from my Quaker Meeting". (My fellow Friends may already see where this is going.) While I sometimes say "my church" to avoid mucking up an otherwise normal conversation, it doesn't seem fully honest somehow, so I usually try to "speak plainly" as we Quakers are encouraged to do. On this occasion, my plain speech completely derailed the conversation about backyard chickens.

"Is that pretty much the same as Mennonites?"
"Well no, not really. Mennonites were around before Quakers."

It never got much less awkward than that. This is a homeschool basketball program which, while open to all homeschoolers, is run by members of the big Christian homeschool group in town. Our faith doesn't quite fit the norm of this group, which is tends to be theologically conservative. I don't mind being different, but I am just getting to know these women. I like them, and I want them to like me. I want them to be comfortable having their kids be friends with my daughter. Ideally, I would would choose to have them know me better before revealing all the details of how our theologies might differ. I would choose to have them see/hear my life speak for my beliefs before my voice. I know from experience that deep, satisfying discussions about faith are possible between friends when there is assurance that the relationship will endure in spite of difference. I don't yet have that assurance with them, thus I was wary. Alas, my reluctance to have this conversation resulted in a weak and probably confusing explanation of Quaker faith and practice.

So it was awkward, but we muddled through. I wasn't the only one feeling the discomfort. One of the women kept saying "Well, we'll all end up in the same place in the end -- we'll all be one big family." I smiled and nodded, but I should have made it more clear how very much I agree with her; I really wish I had. In any case, I believe our nascent friendships survived the incident. For that I am grateful.

I'm left not knowing quite what to do with this experience. Would a more confident and clear description of Quaker theology have served the situation better? I'm not so sure -- it might have sparked debate or defensiveness, which I don't believe we're ready for. Yet I feel a little bad about my halting and awkward comments regarding the Quaker tradition that I respect so greatly. This is a matter for some seasoning I suppose. Something to think about in a quiet time or to bring into the Light of worship.

If anyone is willing to share, I'm curious to hear other people's similar experiences. Not just from Quakers either -- I'm sure people of every faith must find themselves "outed" as the oddball belief from time to time. How have you responded and how did it turn out?

Busy Month

Whoa, has it really been a month since I last posted here?? Seems so. Time has flown this month because we've been so busy. Lots of classes, practices, events, and just plain work to do here at home.

I'll try to get something new up soon! I've had some good ideas, but no time to develop them. Time to think would be a good thing...